I have to admit, I’m a little too “open” when it comes to sharing. Not in the TMI (Too Much Information) way, but I’m not afraid to share most anything in my life with my close friends. That means, on a regular basis, they hear about what I’m thinking about. And like most people, I think a lot about things that bother me. So, I find myself telling people about my troubles pretty regularly. The good thing is, I’m not only open about them, I’m also not whining about them. It’s more of a “you won’t believe what is happening now” sort of conversation rather than a “poor, ol’ me” deal.
Maybe I’ve always had this issue because I can remember Dad telling me “Don’t tell people your troubles, because 80% of the people really don’t care, and the other 20% are actually glad you’re having problems!”
Dad is a joker, of course, and he knew that some of the people you tell would actually care, but the point is… telling others your problems is not something you want to do ALL the time. If you are the person who complains about your life and all your troubles all the time, then people begin to hate seeing you coming. You’ll be avoided like the plague. Any good friend will be happy to hear you tell them about your problems when you need to unload. Just tell them you need to and unload. It is a necessity for many of us to know that others care and are at least sorry we’re having problems. But you can’t do that every time you see your friends. They just don’t want to hear it that much.
This is a real problem for us because we also need to share our problems with someone. There is an old adage that says “A problem shared is cut in half.” That can be true in a couple of ways. First, if someone really shares the problem, they will help you conquer it and therefore, take half the load off you. Or, sometimes, just sharing the issue makes you feel less alone and you can then face the issues. So, I would encourage you to find someone with whom you can share your problems and let them share theirs. Keep them to yourselves and just be there for each other. That is a real need nearly all of us have and it needs to be met.
Then we get to “everybody else.” They really don’t need to know all your problems. I do believe Dad’s concept in that probably 80% (or more) of the people you may tell may in fact, really not care. It’s sad to say, but if you go around telling strangers your problems, they don’t know you, they don’t know your family, they may sympathize with you on the outside, but down inside, they really can’t care the way a close friend could. So, why tell them at all? The old standby 80/20 rule is a great place to start, but in reality, it could be higher or lower, depending on who you bring into your confidence. If you’re the type that tells everybody you meet how you’re doing and what your problems are, then it could be over 90%!
Finally, there are the others that “are really glad” you’re having problems. This sounds bad at first, but remember, “misery loves company.” When people suffer, they sometimes want to know they’re not the only ones suffering. They may not actually be glad you’re having problems, but it does make them a little happier to know that other people are going through some of the same things. Most people in this category are also suffering in some way and are not “sharers” so they may not realize others go through the same things. When they find this out, they are sort of glad.
The truth is: We all have problems, troubles, and issues. Period. If you think you don’t, then you are either imaginary or not honest with yourself. We all live on this same Earth, and we all struggle with what we want, what we want to be, how we want to live, and how we treat others. We all have room for improvement. And with the media, commercials, and TV shows filling our brains with what they want us to think is “normal”, we are convinced that we have more problems than we really do.
Most of our problems are manageable or imagined. It is estimated that up to 90% of what people worry about never comes to pass, so many of our “troubles” are just things we are afraid will happen. I believe God wants us to live more “in the moment” and enjoy our life, our family, our friends, and even our homes and belongings TODAY. Too often, we are so worried about tomorrow, we can’t enjoy what we are blessed with now.
There is one more reason not to tell others your problems (too much), and that is… it is what Zig Ziglar calls “stinkin’ thinkin’.” Concentrating on the negative causes us to become negative in our thinking. You are what you think. If you continue to think about your problems and share them with everyone, you are condemning yourself to stay in those problems. Become more optimistic. Think positively. Your life will change.
