As I prepared to leave for my freshman year at college, I became quite concerned about leaving my girlfriend at home. As usual, I went to Dad for comfort and support. After telling him about my concerns, Dad had some really important advice for me. With a grin on his face, he said, “Carl, you know what they say: ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder…’, then he added, “…but sometimes it’s for somebody else!”
As you might imagine, this was no great comfort to me and I’m sure Dad “danced” around trying to make a joke out of it. I probably left Dad even more confused and more concerned.
School time came and I went away. My girlfriend and I kept our friendship going with the help of Ma Bell and frequent trips home. In fact, I hardly had a chance to get to know anyone at school because I was always gone on the weekends. By the end of the first semester, however, I wasn’t sure about my feelings for her or about why I wanted to date other girls! By February, she broke up with me. I was crushed. (I crush easily.) I got mad and confronted her. With every reason she gave, I tried to provide a suitable “hole” in her argument. It was too late, however, and no amount of arguing would do. We were history. By this time, we had both found other people we were interested in and our “fondness” had diminished.
Dad was right again. It has been proven over and over again. You may have even experienced a similar situation in your life. It is really quite surprising that more people don’t realize how true this is. The really surprising thing is that when couples are having trouble, one of the first ways they try to remedy the situation is to spend time away from each other! If you watch enough movies, you know this almost never works. Invariably, both parties find someone else to “rebound” to and the original relationship crumbles.
Mother and Dad were married for over 50 years. They had times that they are separated for short periods of time. But when either one had to be gone for very long, they both try to go. Separate vacations may be the “in” thing from time to time, but real relationships are built when people really try to live with the other person.
Look around you. Is there someone you are trying to be absent from in an attempt to make things better? Don’t bother, it won’t work. Love is not something you feel, love is something you do. If you don’t love someone anymore, make a decision to love them again and do it. When you learn to overlook faults, accept differences and really appreciate the other person, you will have something that can last forever.
