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When Dad took us fishing, sometimes he showed us how, and other times, he left us on our own to learn by doing. Occasionally, we would buy bait, like minnows, worms, crickets, etc. But other times, if there was no bait shop nearby, we would find our own bait. He taught us how to use almost anything as bait. We’ve used oatmeal balls, cut up hot dogs, cheese, bologna… I’ve probably even tried sticks and paper! We also used other live things for bait including mussels and small fish.

The mussels were not too hard to find in the Tennessee River. They’re located in the rocky bottom near almost every shore. Just crack them open or break them with a rock and pull out the “muscle” part of the mussel, along with some junk that we never were sure what it was, and put it on a hook. Bream love them!

The small fish took a little more care. We would catch minnow-sized, to 2-3 inch long, small fish. If they were larger than a minnow, we’d cut them up to put on the hooks. This took extra time, of course, but someone had to do it. Some of us would fish, while someone else cut the bait, usually Dad. When enough bait was cut, we could all fish.

The thing that Dad taught me through this is that just sitting around, doing nothing, does not accomplish anything. In almost every situation, there is something you can do to help. The “wizbit”: Fish or Cut Bait did surely not originate with Dad. It is probably as old as fishing itself. But by being taught how to do both, it has a greater meaning to me. Now, when I’m in a situation where I’m trying to do something and someone else is just sitting there, doing nothing when I could use some help, it at least makes me wonder “why aren’t you doing something?”

You see, Dad taught me that activity accomplishes things. Inactivity simply leads to a pile of things that need to be done. When you’re in a boat on a fishing trip, there are only a couple of productive things you can do. Specifically, you can either fish, or you can cut bait. Sure, there are other things like tending to the tackle, putting hooks or baits on the lines, and depending on the type of fishing, you may even be driving the boat or doing something else. But just sitting, when there are things to be done, should not be one of the options.

Through the years, I’ve been in situations where there was literally nothing I could do to help. And sometimes, in those situations, “helping” is not always a good thing. Many a time I have had to repeat what has become a mantra for my whole family: “I was only trying to help!” It is difficult to know when to help, when to just listen, and when to just sit. It takes most of us a lifetime to learn these things, and many never do.

However, in a lot of situations, it becomes very obvious that there are a few jobs that need to be done. When you notice this, stand up and get started on one. Don’t say “It’s not my job.” or try to get someone else to do it. If you notice it needs to be done, it is practically your responsibility at that point!

This is especially true in house and office keeping. Dirty cup in the sink? Wash it. Counter cluttered? Clean it off. Dusty floor? Vacuum or sweep. Dirty Clothes? Wash them. Do I need to be more specific? It doesn’t matter what needs to be done, or who you THINK is responsible for it. Life has also taught me that if you THINK someone is responsible for something in your home or office, it may never get done. Until we all take responsibility, things will be left undone. Each of us must do this in our lives or be prepared to be disappointed with others on a regular basis.

Think about your own situation with a roommate, spouse, partner, office mate, kids, whatever. SHOW them how to live by doing things before they know it. Don’t do it for the glory, or to hear a big band play for you, in fact, don’t expect to even be thanked. Just do it because it is the right thing to do.

When you see that there are jobs to be done… don’t just sit there… fish or cut bait!

I have to admit, I’m a little too “open” when it comes to sharing. Not in the TMI (Too Much Information) way, but I’m not afraid to share most anything in my life with my close friends. That means, on a regular basis, they hear about what I’m thinking about. And like most people, I think a lot about things that bother me. So, I find myself telling people about my troubles pretty regularly. The good thing is, I’m not only open about them, I’m also not whining about them. It’s more of a “you won’t believe what is happening now” sort of conversation rather than a “poor, ol’ me” deal.

Maybe I’ve always had this issue because I can remember Dad telling me “Don’t tell people your troubles, because 80% of the people really don’t care, and the other 20% are actually glad you’re having problems!”

Dad is a joker, of course, and he knew that some of the people you tell would actually care, but the point is… telling others your problems is not something you want to do ALL the time. If you are the person who complains about your life and all your troubles all the time, then people begin to hate seeing you coming. You’ll be avoided like the plague. Any good friend will be happy to hear you tell them about your problems when you need to unload. Just tell them you need to and unload. It is a necessity for many of us to know that others care and are at least sorry we’re having problems. But you can’t do that every time you see your friends. They just don’t want to hear it that much.

This is a real problem for us because we also need to share our problems with someone. There is an old adage that says “A problem shared is cut in half.” That can be true in a couple of ways. First, if someone really shares the problem, they will help you conquer it and therefore, take half the load off you. Or, sometimes, just sharing the issue makes you feel less alone and you can then face the issues. So, I would encourage you to find someone with whom you can share your problems and let them share theirs. Keep them to yourselves and just be there for each other. That is a real need nearly all of us have and it needs to be met.

Then we get to “everybody else.” They really don’t need to know all your problems. I do believe Dad’s concept in that probably 80% (or more) of the people you may tell may in fact, really not care. It’s sad to say, but if you go around telling strangers your problems, they don’t know you, they don’t know your family, they may sympathize with you on the outside, but down inside, they really can’t care the way a close friend could. So, why tell them at all? The old standby 80/20 rule is a great place to start, but in reality, it could be higher or lower, depending on who you bring into your confidence. If you’re the type that tells everybody you meet how you’re doing and what your problems are, then it could be over 90%!

Finally, there are the others that “are really glad” you’re having problems. This sounds bad at first, but remember, “misery loves company.” When people suffer, they sometimes want to know they’re not the only ones suffering. They may not actually be glad you’re having problems, but it does make them a little happier to know that other people are going through some of the same things. Most people in this category are also suffering in some way and are not “sharers” so they may not realize others go through the same things. When they find this out, they are sort of glad.

The truth is: We all have problems, troubles, and issues. Period. If you think you don’t, then you are either imaginary or not honest with yourself. We all live on this same Earth, and we all struggle with what we want, what we want to be, how we want to live, and how we treat others. We all have room for improvement. And with the media, commercials, and TV shows filling our brains with what they want us to think is “normal”, we are convinced that we have more problems than we really do.

Most of our problems are manageable or imagined. It is estimated that up to 90% of what people worry about never comes to pass, so many of our “troubles” are just things we are afraid will happen. I believe God wants us to live more “in the moment” and enjoy our life, our family, our friends, and even our homes and belongings TODAY. Too often, we are so worried about tomorrow, we can’t enjoy what we are blessed with now.

There is one more reason not to tell others your problems (too much), and that is… it is what Zig Ziglar calls “stinkin’ thinkin’.” Concentrating on the negative causes us to become negative in our thinking. You are what you think. If you continue to think about your problems and share them with everyone, you are condemning yourself to stay in those problems. Become more optimistic. Think positively. Your life will change.

One day, my daughter called me about an interview she had to attend. It was not for a job, but was for consideration for an award in school. She is a casual dresser. Always modest, but comfortable in her dress. She’s not a frilly, lacey, show off dresser. So she asked me, “Should I dress up for the interview?”

Well, immediately, I remembered something Dad had told me many times. I don’t know if it was for my first interview, or whether I was meeting someone special, or what, but he told me what I told my daughter: “You only get one chance at a first impression.”

The expression itself is very simple. But you have to realize what it really reveals about the situation. You only meet someone for the first time, ONE TIME. After that, there is no way you can go back and change how you looked, how you acted, how you felt (and let that affect the way you acted), or anything you said. It is truly a one-shot deal. You just get that one chance. Then, it’s gone.

Obviously, you should always make the best of any first impression. You see people brushing their hair over, checking their teeth for lipstick smears, looking in the mirror to make sure everything is in place, before meeting a special someone. All good ideas. If you have the opportunity to impress someone, dress for the occasion, stand and sit with excellent posture, use your best manners, answer politely any question that is posed, and above all, remember: You only get one chance… make it a good one.